A sugar daddy reveals 4 things people always get wrong about paying for companionship (2024)

  • Thinking about the term "sugar daddy" can make many people think about specific — and not-so-flattering — images.
  • INSIDER talked to Carl Foster, a real-life sugar daddy to find out what the lifestyle is actually like.
  • As it turns out, it involves a lot more work from both parties than one might expect.

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Carl Foster is a 60-somethingbusiness owner, radio host, television personality, and father of six.

He also happens to be a sugar daddy.

Foster became a sugar daddy in the same way most people get involved with any relationship — by joining some dating apps after his divorce. But he wasn't satisfied with the conventional options available, so he tried Seeking Arrangement— anapp that helps potential sugar babies and daddies create "arrangements" — and found that it was much more to his liking.

He liked it so much, in fact, that he was invited to be a panelist at the Seeking Arrangement Sugar Baby Summit held in New York City in April. INSIDER attended the summit and spoke with Foster to find out what people always get wrong about sugar daddies. And, as it turns out, there are a lot of misconceptions.

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Being a sugar daddy doesn't always mean paying for sex.

Foster carefully vets each person who sends him a message on the app. He does this because he's looking for something that he describes as "real" — not a serious relationship, per se, but something that at least emulates the hallmarks of traditional dating.

"A lot of times when you get responses, you can tell that they're just looking to get paid for sex," Foster told INSIDER. "And I don't want that. I'm looking for an honest relationship that can maybe lead to something with no strings attached."

Foster was drawn to Seeking Arrangement because, to him, the greater sense of honesty it provided was worth the price.

"I run a company, I don't have a lot of time to waste. And it seemed like a lot of dating sites were just games," Foster said. "Here, there's more open communication. So you can say, 'I'm attracted to you, what are you looking for, what are your goals for a relationship.' I think that the mutually beneficial aspect of the relationship — I give you what you need and you give me what I need — means that we can be together and enjoy each other, without any questions. And I didn't get that on other dating sites."

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Not every daddy is looking for someone who's significantly younger than them.

There's a specific image that tends to spring to mind upon any mention of the term "sugar daddy" — and, for many people, it entails some version of a gray-haired Lothario leering over a fresh-faced woman who could be his daughter. But Foster doesn't buy into that particular image.

A sugar daddy reveals 4 things people always get wrong about paying for companionship (1)

"I don't go very young," Foster told INSIDER. "I have a 21-year-old daughter, so I couldn't date anyone around that age. I probably couldn't relate, anyway. I also don't go by age, necessarily, I look first at interests, careers, and all that, so I usually date people in their 40s."

Of course, a 60-something dating a 40-something is hardly progressive.

But, for what it's worth, this age breakdown is somewhat atypical for Seeking Arrangement. Brook Urick, a Seeking Arrangement spokesperson and the host of the podcast "Let's Talk Sugar," told INSIDER that theaverage "daddy" on the Seeking Arrangement is 43 and the average "baby" is 26. So, although Foster is older than most men on the app, the women he dates are, too.

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In any case, Foster isn't likely to think seriously about dating anyone younger than 40.

"I live around a lot of colleges in Florida, and there are a lot of college girls on the site trying to make some extra money," Foster said. "I wouldn't want my daughter doing that, and I'm not going to go on dates with girls my daughter's age."

It's not a good idea to get into sugaring specifically for the gifts.

It's easy to think of the sugar baby lifestyle as a fast track to designer bags, luxury clothes, all-expenses-paid vacations and, perhaps, a means of quitting your day job. But that probably won't be the case for anyone dating Foster.

Despite the fact that he was a featured speaker at a convention for an app designed to help people turn a profit from the people they date — sometimes through specific gifts, sometimes throughVenmo payments — Foster was cagey about divulging what, exactly, a sugar baby might be able to get out of an arrangement with him.

A sugar daddy reveals 4 things people always get wrong about paying for companionship (2)

Rather than giving his sugar babies an allowance or extravagant gifts, Foster prefers to identify a "legitimate need" in his dates and foster a mentorship to help them achieve it. As he sees it, this gives them skills that will last longer than a romantic relationship might.

"One woman, she had her own business, and she was struggling, so that's why she was on the site. She didn't want to be on the site for that reason, so I said, 'Let me hire you,'" Foster told INSIDER. "And then we would go out and I would pay for everything when we went out. But it wasn't like I was paying her every time we went out for sex."

For some people, it's simply the best way to start a relationship.

As is probably the case with any style of dating, sugaring certainly isn't for everyone. But it seems to be working out well for Foster, which may be due in large part to the ethos he adheres to when he uses the app.

"It's going to start with money, but it can turn into something that's bigger than that," Foster told INSIDER. "And if you respect the other person and treat them as a human being, it can be something great."

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Is this a glorified Golden Rule? Sure. All the same, if you think about it, pretty much anyone — whether they're a sugar baby, daddy, or something in between — could benefit from heeding his advice.

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FAQs

What are sugar daddy red flags? ›

Financial requests: His messages become pushy or even aggressive. The fake sugar daddy wants you to send him money now. Asking for money under any pretense is a huge red flag. A real sugar daddy will never ask you for money.

How should a sugar daddy pay you? ›

Some relationships are PPM, or "pay per meet" — in those arrangements, the sugar daddy gives the sugar baby a specified amount per date. In another type of relationship, sugar daddies give an "allowance" on a set schedule, like monthly or biweekly, either in cash or through a payment app like Venmo.

What can go wrong with a sugar daddy? ›

It could be a dangerous situation for you, so be careful. From a moral standpoint, so long as you're honest there's not a problem. Make sure they understand the arrangement, and don't string anyone along. You're working hard in school, and finding a way to pay for it.

What is a sugar daddy companion? ›

A "Sugar Daddy" is a wealthy (and usually older) man who supports and provides for a younger woman in exchange for companionship and/or other favors. Example of use: Rachel — "Did you see Dana's new diamond ring?", Kelly—"Don't you know, her new sugar daddy bought it for her.

How to spot a sugar daddy scammer? ›

If you're ever asked to provide your sugar daddy with personal details, you're probably dealing with a scam. Lack of friends or followers: A telltale sign of a fake sugar daddy profile is an account with very few friends or followers. If you notice this, it could be because the account isn't who they say they are.

What is the dark side of sugar daddy? ›

Sugar dating can involve scenarios of harassment, sexual assault, and the manipulation of financial arrangements to coerce unwanted sexual action— also known as rape.

What to say to a sugar daddy for money? ›

For example , you can say something like “I'm hoping for a monthly allowance. Do you consider that's sensible? ” When no one likes to talk about cash, it's important to always be upfront and clear about your expectations within a sugar romantic relationship. This can prevent any turmoil or uncertainty down the road.

Do sugar daddies actually pay you? ›

According to the Better Business Bureau, there have been numerous reports of scammers offering to be a “sugar momma” or “sugar daddy” — an offer that comes with a promised weekly allowance for affection in return. But it's actually an attempt to steal money.

Do you have to pay to message on Seeking? ›

As a Successful Member, to be able to read your responses, check your inbox, and send messages, you will need to upgrade your account to a Premium Membership. As an Attractive Member, all you need is a fully approved profile and a public photo to start messaging.

What are the green flags for sugar daddies? ›

Green Flags to look out for

The Sugar Daddy doesn't mind having a video call with you before meeting up. He doesn't mind meeting you in a public setting for the first few dates. Be sure to always tell at least one friend you're going on a date and share your location. Always rather be safe than sorry.

What do sugar daddies want? ›

Instead, Sugar Daddies are looking for a great partner to enjoy the best of life with them, transparently and splendidly. Since they are incredibly successful in their careers, Daddies enjoy sharing their wealth, knowledge, experiences, and magical moments with their Sugar Babies.

What is expected of a sugar baby? ›

The sugar baby is typically seeking a financially supportive partner. Many sugar babies are university students who use this form of dating as a way to pay college tuition, rent, and other bills. They may also be looking for travel opportunities, gifts, and perhaps mentorship.

Can you pay for companionship? ›

Typically, companion caregivers charge an hourly rate. However, the set amount will vary based on a range of factors, including: Your location. The senior's needs.

What is GFE in sugar daddy? ›

A girlfriend experience (GFE) is a commercial sex service. It ranges from a transactional sex relationship to a client paying a sex worker to pretend to be his girlfriend during the session.

What is the girlfriend of a sugar daddy called? ›

The gift recipient is called a sugar baby, and male sugar babies are referred to as gigolos. The providing partner is called a sugar daddy or sugar mommy. Sugar dating is especially popular in the online dating community due to the easy access to specific niches and desires.

How do you know if a sugar daddy is the real deal? ›

How to know if a sugar daddy is legit?
  1. They only want to DM you. Many sugar daddy scammers and other romance scammers avoid video chats or face-to-face meetups, lest you find out who they really are.
  2. Their social media profiles are fake. ...
  3. They ask you to send them money.
Jan 20, 2023

What are most sugar daddies looking for? ›

What Sugar Daddies Want. Sugar daddies seek attractive, charming companionship. They want a sugar baby who is attentive, flattering, and can hold an engaging conversation. While physical intimacy is sometimes part of the arrangement, many sugar daddies also desire real emotional connections and intellectual stimulation ...

What qualifies as a sugar daddy? ›

: a rich, older man who gives money, gifts, etc., to someone (such as a young woman) in exchange for sex, friendship, etc. She's on the lookout for a new sugar daddy.

How do you act around a sugar daddy? ›

Don't Be Afraid they are required No

It's far better to be honest right away than to acquire them on and then end up getting damage or needing to break stuff off down the road. Likewise, remember to prevent appearing desperate or perhaps like a golden digger.

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